Living With Herpes and Dating With Herpes

Did you know that nearly 80 million people in the US are affected by herpes ?

When my cousin Ellen was diagnosed with herpes, she was devastated. She cried for days and then slipped into depression, cutting off all social contacts and severely limiting her interactions even with family. It saddened me to see her suffering so. She said she felt dirty and alone. I could hear the shame and pain in her voice and it was heart wrenching.

It took a while for her to get over the news that she had genital herpes, but eventually she began visiting family members, although she still refused to start dating again. I invited her over one night for lasagna, and after dinner, we sat at the computer, researching everything we could find on the virus known as herpes simplex.

What we discovered was eye opening. There are two strains of the herpes virus; herpes simplex 1 and herpes simplex 2. They look identical under the microscope, but herpes 1 is generally found above the waist. Ever had a cold sore or a fever blister? They’re caused by herpes simplex 1, while herpes 2 is usually found below the waist and is responsible for causing genital herpes.

I think part of what shocked Ellen so much about the diagnosis was the fact she’d had no symptoms. We learned in our research that it’s common for no symptoms to appear. Many times the first attack is so mild it goes unnoticed, although some people experience visible sores from the very beginning. Other symptoms can include fatigue, abdominal pain and bumps that itch.

Something else we found surprising was that nearly 80 million people in the US are affected by herpes and at least one in five adults has genital herpes. There’s currently no cure for the virus, and it’s possible to get genital herpes from a cold sore. I could see Ellen growing sad again and finding little comfort in the knowledge that she was far from being alone with the disease.

A growing number of people in similar situations has created a new industry: Internet dating sites just for people with STDs. From MPWH.com to sites such as PositiveSingles.com and PositiveLove.com Herpes Dating Web sites abound for those "living with STDs" and in serach of Hepres Dating Sites.

Because it’s spread by direct contact, even with no visible outbreaks, Ellen felt like she could never be intimate again. But we learned that many couples have good sexual relationships for years without transmitting the virus. It just takes a few precautions. Some avoid sexual contact during outbreaks or in the presence of any signs or symptoms. It’s also helpful to use condoms between outbreaks to further reduce the chance of transmission.

Ellen also worried about the health of any babies she might have in the future. We read that babies can indeed get the virus from an infected mother. Tests are done to determine if the virus is active at the time of labor and if the virus is found in the birth canal, a cesarean section is usually done to keep the baby from coming in contact with the virus. When Ellen decides to start a family, she’ll need to discuss the virus with her doctor, even before she gets pregnant.

One of the things that seemed to bring a shadow of a smile to her face was when we started reading about treatments. While there’s no known cure…yet (work is being done on a vaccine)…there are drugs and topical treatments such as Dynamiclear that can be used to reduce the discomfort, frequency ,duration of outbreaks. The doctor will know the options available.

During outbreaks, there are things you can do that will help keep you a little more comfortable, such as keeping the infected area as clean and dry as possible. Warm showers are recommended by some doctors, followed by toweling gently or even using a blow dryer set on low or cool. It may also be helpful to avoid tight fitting underclothes. Also, the right nutrition, with exercise and proper rest helps keep your immune system as strong as possible, which may help in controlling the virus.

Ellen’s feeling better these days, and she says it’s been a ‘really long time’ since the last outbreak. She’s even dating again…but that’s a story for another time.